I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
