she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
