hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
