Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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