You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
