well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
