went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
