tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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