i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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