sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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