Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
