im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
