I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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