He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
