Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I just threw up on my dentist

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(804): View more from Virginia

Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men

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(425): View more from Washington

I proposed and she said yes man.

(1-425): View more from Washington

You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?

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(315): View more from New York

So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.

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(805): View more from California

Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE

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(248): View more from Michigan

I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.

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