Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
