I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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