i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
