I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's the barista slut.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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