My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
