so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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