If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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