Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
