I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
