I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
