I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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