you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
