Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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