There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I will be naked everywhere
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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