I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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