Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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