hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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