We're facebook friends in real life
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
