It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
