Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize