Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
