I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
