no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
