My hand turned me down
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
