I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
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Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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