I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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