my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
