just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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