One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
