so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
