Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
