The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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