Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
