I love having hate sex.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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