my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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