i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
where am i from again
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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