i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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