at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
