hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
