So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
