I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
