What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
