im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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