i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
