I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
