the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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