Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
