I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
