Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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