Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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