so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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