I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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