So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Come see our sink grown plant.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
