Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
