everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
