I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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