my sisters under your porch take her home
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
