U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
