you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
